ابي ردود ( نقد قصيدة )

الاديبة · 1 مارس 2007، 10:51

السلام عليكم
هذه قصيدة أتمنى أن تكتبوا تعليقاتكم عليها و تصحيحها اذا كان بها أي خطأ
فهي اول محاولة من صديقة لصديقتها

When we met
We would see
You and me
People left
From my heart
You will stay
In my heart
More than year

الاديبة · 3 مارس 2007، 0:53

PLEASE

I WANT TO KNOW YOUR OPINIONS ABOUT IT
BECAUSE YOURS IS IMPORTANT FOR ME

WAIT

oMaNi_AsLi · 3 مارس 2007، 1:12

hi adibah
:)
nice poem , i really liked it
simple and meaningfull
:)
thanx alot 4 sharing wid us
hope ur friend will like it, wish u all the best
keep going , keep smiling
$$e

ma regards

نور الاسلام · 3 مارس 2007، 8:48

الاديبة كتب:

السلام عليكم
هذه قصيدة أتمنى أن تكتبوا تعليقاتكم عليها و تصحيحها اذا كان بها أي خطأ
فهي اول محاولة من صديقة لصديقتها

When we met
We would see
You and me
People left
From my heart
You will stay
In my heart
More than year

Dear Adiba

First of all...Thanks for trusting us and sharing your poem with us $$e

Well... your poem is wonderful...and I can obviously see that it comes from the very deep of your heart

but I just wonder ~!@q

Why you said in your last line ...more than year??

Keep it up sweetie:)

الاديبة · 4 مارس 2007، 2:04

Thank you for you

Is it correct ?
If there any mistake tell me

SEE YOU

ItisMe · 4 مارس 2007، 20:17

When we met
We would see
You and me
People left
From my heart
You will stay
In my heart
More than year

I am not A poet, but...How can YOU say 'We would see' I believe it should read could see. Also I believe People left from my heart, needs redifining...LEFT from OR Left my Heart. You are definatly NOT one who wants parmanency, as you are also telling this person that the stay in your heart is just more than year

Nice try, please keep up the good work

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