How can I tell her.I don’t want you

    • How can I tell her.I don’t want you

      Hello everybody.
      I would like to welcome your participation in my following topic

      If a man is engaged to a woman and they have already made their Milka. After Milka the man discovered that the lady doesn’t fit well with his personality for his own reasons (e.g. he recognized that she is a selfish person) and he believes than he can never adapt with her personality .
      How can that man tell this women” I don’t want you?”.
      Bear in mind that in Oman it is very difficult to cancel such weeding and might always cause troubles to the girl and hurt her feelings a lot.
      The man doesn’t want her and wants to cancel everything before going for the real wedding.

      How can he end everything without hurting the girls’ feeling? Or
      Do you encourage him to continue whatever is going to be his life later      ?

      I will be waiting for your replies


      Thanks
      :)

    • Thank you Mona

      Supposing the man is selfish as you said, then I guess he has no appreciation of the girl or her feelings, that is to start with

      Well, this dark situation is heard a lot, and happens a lot, before and after Milka

      I do not think the girl would be surprised or hurt if she knows that he is selfish or has some ugly habbits or bad behaviour, that is if she knows that about him, and she would welcome such move and celecrate it

      Now we come to the difficult point, the girl is getting ready to be with her man. I frankly say he should sit with her and explain things to her. Explain to her it is sad and bad to be sorry now than be later on and for the rest of their life. Explain to her that his decision to marry her was not wrong but came in the wrong time, and he likes and respects her and just wish her a better life
      OR, he should just make one of his family members convey the message, in a good way and manner
      I know it is difficult, but since we got to this point, it should be done

      Iam sure the girl would be hurt, no way should she just take ie easy but, no doubt she would take it as time passes by

      I guess we have it the other way round when the girl takes the abandon move first....so it can happen......and life just goes on

      belive me, not all of us marry a person we love and die for, but as days pass by a new love with different taste is born

      I guess i leave few things for the others

      take care

      10derness

    • Tenderness كتب:

      Thank you Mona

      Supposing the man is selfish as you said, then I guess he has no appreciation of the girl or her feelings, that is to start with

      Well, this dark situation is heard a lot, and happens a lot, before and after Milka

      I do not think the girl would be surprised or hurt if she knows that he is selfish or has some ugly habbits or bad behaviour, that is if she knows that about him, and she would welcome such move and celecrate it

      Now we come to the difficult point, the girl is getting ready to be with her man. I frankly say he should sit with her and explain things to her. Explain to her it is sad and bad to be sorry now than be later on and for the rest of their life. Explain to her that his decision to marry her was not wrong but came in the wrong time, and he likes and respects her and just wish her a better life
      OR, he should just make one of his family members convey the message, in a good way and manner
      I know it is difficult, but since we got to this point, it should be done

      Iam sure the girl would be hurt, no way should she just take ie easy but, no doubt she would take it as time passes by

      I guess we have it the other way round when the girl takes the abandon move first....so it can happen......and life just goes on

      belive me, not all of us marry a person we love and die for, but as days pass by a new love with different taste is born

      I guess i leave few things for the others

      take care

      10derness


      Brother
      Thanks a lot for your reply but could you resend it because you misunderstood something.
      In my topic the “man is not selfish”. It is the woman who is selfish and had bad personality.
      The man is good and did his best to satisfy his future wife with no success!!!

      I think you need to adjust your reply because it covers another topic(different than mine!)

      Thank you very much.

    • Mona, why do I keep thinking that there is something related to you in this story...I just feel there's something to do with you..is there??

      Well, Selfishness of a woman alone is not enough to break the Milka. Why the hell did they got married in the first place, if he now feels she's selfish. Everybody gets selfish sometimes and that's natural. The important thing for him now is to let her know that he feels that about her, but Divorcing her because a stupid reason like that..It's just unbelievable.
      He should invite her for a dinner, talk to her and tell her everything and then should wait her response. She deserve to be put on the picture and you haven't mentioned anything about her except she's being selfish..Does she know about this?? or not..??

      excuse the language guys...

      Ghost

    • The Ghost كتب:

      Mona, why do I keep thinking that there is something related to you in this story...I just feel there's something to do with you..is there??

      Well, Selfishness of a woman alone is not enough to break the Milka. Why the hell did they got married in the first place, if he now feels she's selfish. Everybody gets selfish sometimes and that's natural. The important thing for him now is to let her know that he feels that about her, but Divorcing her because a stupid reason like that..It's just unbelievable.
      He should invite her for a dinner, talk to her and tell her everything and then should wait her response. She deserve to be put on the picture and you haven't mentioned anything about her except she's being selfish..Does she know about this?? or not..??

      excuse the language guys...

      Ghost


      Thanks a lot:) I liked your reply.

      The topic has no relation to me at all. I picked it from a real situation for a friend!
      Brother
      If the man followed your advice and told the women everything frankly and honestly then their relation will be affected negatively. You know that not all the ladies are wise. Mose of them are very sensitive and make big problems from nothing.
      Imagine when the man tells her his feelings. How will she think of him??!! Immediately she will tell him I want to be divorced:D
      It’s difficult to follow your advice! Very difficult.
      The man has to be really careful
      .

    • Listen lady,
      You are just not making it easy here for us..Why don't they face each other like men and talk..Notice the word ( men).
      Well, I'm 100% sure of what you said about women that they always make big problems from tiny mistakes and errors. Of course, you being a woman would know better than all of us. Yes, women have all those drawbacks which I'm sure there are in your mind too. Sensitive, easy forget, heart takes, easy get angry and etc. These are some of them only..But we all must not forget that women have the sweetest features and characteristics on the world. This sensitivity could be used in a better way to solve problems if the man knew how to deal with it. Women also can forgive easily and they are much more understanding than men. Women in addition have the ability to learn and correct their mistakes and errors and learn from them more than men do. A smart husband would search and look where are those easy entrances where he can go into his wife's heart and tell her the truth without side effects. Weak Points are the target for each party.
      Lady Mona, If I were him, I'd tell her the truth right into her face. (Behave Well or Face the consequences) I'd say. Of course, she will fire up a bit at the beginning (being a woman) but she might come back later apologizing to me..

      If you know these guys and you really want a solution for them, then I advice you to tell him this..( There's nothing prettier than the truth itself and nothing but truth)..They can not start their life with a stupid lie and end up in hell..

      Guys..
      Have Fun

      The Ghost

    • hey Muna;-
      I think every body in this world have fauilts , no one is perfect except allah. If she is selfish, what about him?? surlly he has bad points or traits.However , selfish is not a big deal . she might change after marriage , dont for get that all of us are selfish sometimes. It seems there is another reason. If not then he must not cancel it .. does he want to be called devorce ??? what is the reason? selly thing... dont be mad . do you know that ((kma tadeen tudaan)) one day allah will panish him for his devorce and hurt the girl's feeling >>>> he should accept her with her bad and good points as she will do.....

    • Tenderness كتب:

      Sorry Mona, I'm changing nothin, I'm adding nothing
      I guess it is you who never read my lines

      I think I covered the topic apart from 3 lines talking about selfishness

      Who ever wa the selfish in your topic was not an issue, was not the core of the topic



      Tenderness


      No dear!
      Revise your reply to see that you gave your advice based in your assumption (the man is selfish!!) and that’s why I disagreed and thought to give you a chance to modify it before replying you??

      Anyway, it doesn’t matter. So you consider that advice to be applicable for both cases.
      Ok. I will come across it as I was!

      See you soon.

      Thanks

    • Dear Mona,
      This is a very sensitiv issue and I fully agree with you that it is difficult to get seperated after the Milka, simply because it is going to effect both parts the man (socialy anf financialy)and the woman(her repetition in the society). Their is no straight and quick answer for this issue as I read through all replies. My advice here is to engage their part which is a trustable relegious lady to talk with this concerned lady if it is selfish problem only. I personaly beleive that it is not that much difficult to beleive and not a good reason to split. These habits can be changed by engagement of this concerned lady into many social team jobs or team workk or team decision. The selfishness habit can be breaked quickly by engagement and involvement of the person and in the other hand can increase by isolating from society.
      At the end this still can be resolved if they love each other .
      Just a word you mentioned in your previous reply you sqaid BAD PERSONALITY, I do not know haw to read or interpret this word but it all depends with your explenation but I do not think that she is so bad that can not be fixed.
      Any way I do not want to comment till I understant the interpretation of the word BAD PERSONALITY.
      I hope that I helped with my thoughts.
      Regards,

    • The Ghost



      ”You are just not making it easy here for us..Why don't they face each other like men and talk..Notice the word ( men).”
      ===========
      Because this is the truth and this is the reality. what can we do? It is not easy to just follow any advice because you don’t know the real persons and their personalities, their abilities and hence their future responses. Not all people are wise so that you can always expect positive responses to your advice!!

      ”Well, I'm 100% sure of what you said about women that they always make big problems from tiny mistakes and errors.
      Of course, you being a woman would know better than all of us. Yes, women have all those drawbacks which I'm sure there are in your mind too.”
      ============
      You don’t have to be sure. Not all women are the same. There are women who have strong hearts exactly like some of the men..not too sensitive and very wise..just like me(:D just kidding). On the other hand, there are men who behave like some of the women i.e very sensitve and take things seriously above the normal limits.

      So you shouldn’t generalize dear brother.

      “ These are some of them only..But we all must not forget that women have the sweetest features and characteristics on the world. This sensitivity could be used in a better way to solve problems “if” the man knew how to deal with it.”
      ==============
      You used the “if” statements!! Can you guide this man how to deal with it?!!


      “ Women also can forgive easily and they are much more understanding than men. “==============
      I disagree with you. It depends on the personality of the woman. If she is a very romantic person and loves her husband very much then..yes she will forgive. But if she is stubborn and selfish then I don’t think so!


      ”Lady Mona, If I were him, I'd tell her the truth right into her face. (Behave Wellor Face the consequences) I'd say. Of course, she will fire up a bit at the beginning (being a woman) but she might come back later apologizing to me..”
      ==============
      I hope that she did so #i . If she is” selfish and masterful”, I challenge you she will not! She will not apologize even if she saw you dying in front of her!You will always have to big her pardon and apologize whether you are mistaken or not :D :D…trust me! And that’s why I am offering this topic..the man has to think wisely and deeply. Shall he continue with her or end everything from beginning?!!

      Thanks for your participation but still I don’t agree with your advice!

    • من أبرز الشخصيات كتب:

      hey Muna;-
      I think every body in this world have fauilts , no one is perfect except allah. If she is selfish, what about him?? surlly he has bad points or traits.However , selfish is not a big deal . she might change after marriage , dont for get that all of us are selfish sometimes. It seems there is another reason. If not then he must not cancel it .. does he want to be called devorce ??? what is the reason? selly thing... dont be mad . do you know that ((kma tadeen tudaan)) one day allah will panish him for his devorce and hurt the girl's feeling >>>> he should accept her with her bad and good points as she will do.....




      Well. Thanks for your reply.
      Let me give you an example of this man’s situation to make it clear for you all:
      The man thought of a trick to test his future wife and see if she truly loves him or not. What did he do?
      He told her that hw will resign from his current position (very good job and salary) and replace it with another job(less salary and position) to see her reaction..he was very serious when he made the trick !! What was her reaction??
      She started shouting. She told him..i don’t want you..i want to be divorced. I want you with your previous job or let’s cancel everything..she was very serious and got very angry.
      The man….felt very sad..she proved that she wanted him for his position..for his pocket not for his personality!! She was ready to leave him under any circumstance. He started thinking that one day if he became poor she will easily leave him..she is not faithful!!
      Also, as part of her personality. She is a masterful person..always like to give commands and never apologise even when she knows that she is mistaken. She always waits for her future husband to apologise for her although she knows very well that she is the one who has to apologise!!

      For these 2 reasons the man started to think and think to decide whether he is going to leave her or not? He feels that he can never stand this situation. He is a romantic person and seeking for a romantic person like himself!!

      Now..what is your advice? The stroy is very clear

    • Hamad2004 كتب:

      Dear Mona,
      This is a very sensitiv issue and I fully agree with you that it is difficult to get seperated after the Milka, simply because it is going to effect both parts the man (socialy anf financialy)and the woman(her repetition in the society). Their is no straight and quick answer for this issue as I read through all replies. My advice here is to engage their part which is a trustable relegious lady to talk with this concerned lady if it is selfish problem only. I personaly beleive that it is not that much difficult to beleive and not a good reason to split. These habits can be changed by engagement of this concerned lady into many social team jobs or team workk or team decision. The selfishness habit can be breaked quickly by engagement and involvement of the person and in the other hand can increase by isolating from society.
      At the end this still can be resolved if they love each other .
      Just a word you mentioned in your previous reply you sqaid BAD PERSONALITY, I do not know haw to read or interpret this word but it all depends with your explenation but I do not think that she is so bad that can not be fixed.
      Any way I do not want to comment till I understant the interpretation of the word BAD PERSONALITY.
      I hope that I helped with my thoughts.
      Regards,

      thanks alot. i will try to reply soon.

    • Thank you Mona

      Now we come to the difficult point, the girl is getting ready to be with her man. I frankly say he should sit with her and explain things to her. Explain to her it is sad and bad to be sorry now than be later on and for the rest of their life. Explain to her that his decision to marry her was not wrong but came in the wrong time, and he likes and respects her and just wish her a better life
      OR, he should just make one of his family members convey the message, in a good way and manner
      I know it is difficult, but since we got to this point, it should be done

      Iam sure the girl would be hurt, no way should she just take ie easy but, no doubt she would take it as time passes by

      I guess we have it the other way round when the girl takes the abandon move first....so it can happen......and life just goes on

      belive me, not all of us marry a person we love and die for, but as days pass by a new love with different taste is born

      I guess i leave few things for the others

      take care

      10derness

    • wAWoOoO

      Hi guys

      I think GOOD BEGINNIG LEAD TO OR HAS A GOOD ENDING.
      So that man as The Ghost said has to set with the girl and talk with her
      And explain everything he feels towards her in a nice way no matter what
      She will feel because if she feel sad at the beginning it is better than at the ending
      Because at that time they may have children so it will be more harmful than now
      And who tells u Miss Mona that she will not understand may be if he tells her that
      Will abandon her if she doesn’t behave well, she will change. Why don’t he gives her
      a chance .


      $$t

      ~!@n

      ~!@q



    • Hi flocks

      I think this is a very delicate situation that requires very gentle handling, because after Milka there will be a lots of rumors


      Honestly, who is perfect, no body in this world every one has as bad behavior. Nonetheless there is a way to get ride of this things. To me that husband in this case is a very selfish person because he would like a perfect wife who does not exist in this world. To me a marriage is a union of two ppl who work through life's good and bads together and overcome them, not be selfish and greedy and say, well, it’s not how perfect I want it, I’ll find it elsewhere. Nothing good comes to those who seek instant gratification. If every one look for perfection then few of us will get married



      If this situation come a cross my life, I’ll sit-down and think carefully why she is selfish? Is because she grow up in a rich family or just because her friend are selfish and she follows their steps? Then after figured out the reason find out the solution by making up story about you friend who has a selfish wife and ends up tomfoolery her every day rather the divorcing her!!! So then his wife will start thinking that if I am not going to change he will not divorce me and he will harm me as his friend has done for his wife. Or try to remind her about Holly Quran or suna. Maybe our God will guide her to the right way to change her behavior



      Believe me who work hard & done his best God will reward him and the one who seeks for easy life will never get their achievement

      God creates the entire malady and in the same time God creates prescription but we have to find them and as God says we have to work hard to find them

      So don’t tell me that because he can’t get long with her so he has to divorce her. Divorce is the final prescription

    • لا حول ولا قوة الا بالله العلي العظيم
      first of all,did the man confront her that she is such and such,even though i think selfishness is not a big deal leads to such miserable end.....did he think of the sequences that come later.......if he did so and discover that he cannot continue with her,it is better to break up,despite it is worst thing to end up with......however i think it is much better to happen now rather than later..................

      i heard about such aproblem.......in my opinion if he could not tell her that he wants to get divorce,the best thing to do is to depart her gradually......i mean first make her feel that he is angry and he does not want her any more.........she will ask him about the reason,then it will be easier to threw the bomb...............


      i advise him to rethink of the matter deeply.....and try to see the good sides of the woman....remember always that noone in this earth is perfect....and as she has defects also he has so...................try not to tyrannize he      r...........

    • l
      isten I think it's too late to discover that . why he didnt know this be4 or do cheated her be4??
      It's not a good time to do that. but its depand on him if he dosent want her because she thought of her future>
      who wont think of his finantial future towards his or her partner.
      even the man naw a days are thinkg of the working girls ,,, shell we call them selfish??
      sometimes , one of the man codition that his dreaming lady must be working!!!!!
      why we dont call men selfish weather we call that women selfish?
      by the way , he just test her once and he made a descover that she is not the one who want
      I think he is selfish too because he thought of him self
      iam sory to say that he want to devorce for selly thing!!!
      however , it's according to him if he wants to leave her we cant say no
      good luck

    • Hamad2004 كتب:

      Dear Mona,
      This is a very sensitiv issue and I fully agree with you that it is difficult to get seperated after the Milka, simply because it is going to effect both parts the man (socialy anf financialy)and the woman(her repetition in the society). Their is no straight and quick answer for this issue as I read through all replies. My advice here is to engage their part which is a trustable relegious lady to talk with this concerned lady if it is selfish problem only. I personaly beleive that it is not that much difficult to beleive and not a good reason to split. These habits can be changed by engagement of this concerned lady into many social team jobs or team workk or team decision. The selfishness habit can be breaked quickly by engagement and involvement of the person and in the other hand can increase by isolating from society.
      At the end this still can be resolved if they love each other .
      Just a word you mentioned in your previous reply you sqaid BAD PERSONALITY, I do not know haw to read or interpret this word but it all depends with your explenation but I do not think that she is so bad that can not be fixed.
      Any way I do not want to comment till I understant the interpretation of the word BAD PERSONALITY.
      I hope that I helped with my thoughts.
      Regards,



      Dear brother
      Thank you very much for coming across my topic and posting that nice advise…but!!!
      I explained the word BAD PERSONALITY in one of my replies to one of my brothers.
      She has two negative habits:
      1-selfish
      2-masterful and hence stubborn.

      Imagine that you live with someone with these two habits and doesn’t allow you to change him because he believes that he is always right and can never be mistaken. Also, he gets angry very quickly and make big problems from nothing…How can a person THINK to discuss anything with this kind of personalities?!!

      Give me your guide!!!

      ~!@q

    • Tenderness كتب:

      Thank you Mona

      Now we come to the difficult point, the girl is getting ready to be with her man. I frankly say he should sit with her and explain things to her. Explain to her it is sad and bad to be sorry now than be later on and for the rest of their life. Explain to her that his decision to marry her was not wrong but came in the wrong time, and he likes and respects her and just wish her a better life
      OR, he should just make one of his family members convey the message, in a good way and manner
      I know it is difficult, but since we got to this point, it should be done

      Iam sure the girl would be hurt, no way should she just take ie easy but, no doubt she would take it as time passes by

      I guess we have it the other way round when the girl takes the abandon move first....so it can happen......and life just goes on

      belive me, not all of us marry a person we love and die for, but as days pass by a new love with different taste is born

      I guess i leave few things for the others

      take care

      10derness


      Well..thanks brother
      But the man is afraid from her reaction..once he will tell her I don’t want you she will start crying..also,our society will not leave him make it as simple as we wish..he will be plamed and his reputation will be affected and so many things will happen….
      No body will forgive him even if the women is mistaken!!!
      I need adice from you that will not cause harm to neither of them..the man and the woman…can you think of sucj advice or idea??!!!..please do

      Thanks a lot.

    • AAA

      Hi


      It is so easy Mona but u r trying to make it complicated
      I don’t know why just they have to set and talk

      Nothing else men have to do that at the beginning of their marriage life
      He has to tell her what he wants from her and what he like and don’t like

      JUST THEY HAVE TO SET WITH EACH OTHER AND TALK
      NOTHING ELSE MONA DON’T COMPLICATE THE PROBLEM




      ~!@n

    • ANGELS_EYES كتب:

      Hi


      It is so easy Mona but u r trying to make it complicated
      I don’t know why just they have to set and talk

      Nothing else men have to do that at the beginning of their marriage life
      He has to tell her what he wants from her and what he like and don’t like

      JUST THEY HAVE TO SET WITH EACH OTHER AND TALK
      NOTHING ELSE MONA DON’T COMPLICATE THE PROBLEM




      ~!@n


      My brother
      I don't want it to be complicated
      BUT
      I Have an idea about the girl's personality and i know the man's personality

      So i know the expected reactions

      That's why it is not easy to accpet any soultion

      I don't want it to be complicated
      Belive me
      it's out of my hands..what can i do?o $$-e

    • Mona Al-Maskari كتب:

      My brother
      I don't want it to be complicated
      BUT
      I Have an idea about the girl's personality and i know the man's personality

      So i know the expected reactions

      That's why it is not easy to accpet any soultion

      I don't want it to be complicated
      Belive me
      it's out of my hands..what can i do?o $$-e



      :rolleyes:

      As u said dear u do understand women
      Also I do understand men and
      |a I am sure that man can persuade the woman that he love
      How to behave and who to deal with him
      Just let them set together the see the result !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      ~!@q

    • ANGELS_EYES كتب:

      :rolleyes:

      As u said dear u do understand women
      Also I do understand men and
      |a I am sure that man can persuade the woman that he love
      How to behave and who to deal with him
      Just let them set together the see the result !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      ~!@q


      Le me tell you the real end of their story
      They got divorced..
      The man got married to another lady suitable to him
      ‘The woman suffered a lot in her life till she found the right man..

      Now both of them are happy now

      Happy true end

      :)
      The man couldn’t solve his problem with her
      He always made agreements with her that she change and he change but it always fail because the girl didn’t want to follow the agreement..
      Finally they decided to separate!!!!o ~!@q

      Thank you all

      Regards
      Mona
      :)

    • ANGELS_EYES كتب:

      :rolleyes:

      As u said dear u do understand women
      Also I do understand men and
      |a I am sure that man can persuade the woman that he love
      How to behave and who to deal with him
      Just let them set together the see the result !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      ~!@q


      Let me tell you the real end of their story
      They got divorced..
      The man got married to another lady suitable to him
      ‘The woman suffered a lot in her life till she found the right man..

      Now both of them are happy

      Happy true end

      :)
      The man couldn’t solve his problem with her
      He always made agreements with her that she change and he change but it always fail because the girl didn’t want to follow the agreement..
      Finally they decided to separate!!!!o ~!@q

      Thank you all

      Regards
      Mona
      :)