The End of Pride--- New story

    • The End of Pride--- New story

      Hi everyone, I would like to share you my second story that i am still writing it now. However, i am going to share you each new part i write and post it here every Friday because I can just have time to write it during the weekend. I hope that your comment with help me to write this story.

      I hope that you will enjoy reading the first part i wrote and it is not too long but maybe the next second part I will write more. You opinions are very important to me so please tell me everything come to your mind.


      The End of Pride

      Today was her first day in her job and she was very excited. She woke up very early in the morning and prepared her cloth to wear and. She finished very early and went downstairs to have her breakfast with her two young sisters (Eman 16 years old in grade 11 and Amal 14 years old in grade 9) and her young brother Salim who is 8 years old in grade 2). She went and loved her mother in her head and was so happy to see her eldest daughter going to her job in her first days. The mother said to her daughter with a pretty smile in her face: “ You are very energetic today, I wish if you could have this job since long time to see you walking very early. Hind chuckled: “I think it is just today my first day that you will see me very energetic, I am really afraid about next coming days and how I could bear being away from my lovely bed in the early morning”. Her mother laughed and told her to come and drink her tea before going.

      "Hay you too noisy girls, don't you want anything from me? You can just request today because today I am so excited and happy".
      Amal excitedly screamed: "Are you sure that we can ask from you anything today?!! Mmm, I just want the half of your first salary". Everyone laughed because Amal was asking something impossible form her sister. "Ok, I am not so greedy, just take us today to a luxurious restaurant to have dinner and then go and do some shopping, and then…".

      Hind interrupted her before she completed the rest of her demands: "Are you sure you are not greedy? Didn't you forget anything else? They all laughed even Salim who was still so lazy and hie eyes were still not opened completely because he didn't want to leave his bed.
      "What about you Miss Eman? Don't you want anything?
      Eman: "I don't have anything now in my mind but sure I will tell you later when you returned safe home, but please don't argue with anyone in your first day".

      Hind Blushed and her mother and her sisters laughed so much because they knew their sister very well when somebody annoyed her, she can't keep silent.

      “Mother, is Khalid still sleep? I will miss him so much; I will go and wake him up". Her mother shouted: “No please, don’t wake him up because he will refuse to sleep and he will not let me sleep, let him and you can phone him when he woke up and talk to him’.

      Khalid is the youngest child in Hind’s family and he is 4 years old. Hind loves him so much and she was very close from him in the two years she spent in home after graduating from the university. Although she got many chances in different places but she refused because she wanted a job which is very close from her major and a place where she can proof herself. However, during these two years, she helped her father a lot in his business through organizing and reviewing some of his contracts with other companies. She was very good and she understood almost everything in her father's business. He wanted her to work beside him but she refused gently and told him that she wanted to be independent in her new job away from her father's business and she promised him that she will always help him no matter how she was busy.

      She left home and she was very excited in her way to her new job in her first day. She was imagining how the staffs are going to welcome her. She tried to imagine her new colleagues, are they good and friendly or they are mean and don't like to be friendly. Then she tried to imagine her office and whom is going to share her, or is she going to have her own office and no one else will share her. She kept imagining till she arrived the ministry residence. She was looking for a good place to park in and she saw one space for a car in the parking which is close from the front main gate to the building. She said to herself, "I am lucky to find a good place to park my car in". While she was going to that place, a very speedy car and it was a red sport car Audi passed her and parked in that place. Hind was panic because she didn't know that there was a car behind her. That car came from sudden and she was panic and her heart was pulsing quickly. When she saw that car parked in the place she intended to park in, she got mad and was cursing who was the stupid rude person. That person knew that she was going to park in that place but he didn't give her a chance and parked quickly before she went there.

      A very tall thin man wearing big sunglasses and he was very charming got out from that car and he was smiling proudly and looking towards Hind as if he was telling her it is my place and no body dare and park on it. She was angry from him and she was intending to get out from her car and quarrel with him, but she remembered what her sister Eman told her in the house. She pushed out a deep breath and grouched and decided to control her temper because she wanted to start her first day peacefully.

      She parked her car in a different parking but away from the place she wised to park in before that rude person came and park in her place. She walked towards the Ministry building and her heart was beating highly and she can hear the pulsing. She was very nervous, but she kept going in till she arrived the reception. When she arrived there, she saw a woman who was exaggerating in her make up and she was looking so funny. Hind giggled inside herself because the face of that girl reminded her by one of the Pharaoh's old statues. She tried to draw an artificial smile in her face to meet that receptionist and give a good expression about herself in her first day.

      Hind talked cheerfully and with a confident voice: "Hi, I am Hind the new employee and there should be a girl called Yasmeen who should come and meet me to take me to my office".
      Nadia: "Welcome with us. I am Nadia but I am sorry to tell you that Yasmeen is going to be a little late because she has an appointment in the hospital and she might arrive here around 10:30 am. But let me call one of the staff in your section.

      Nadia dialed a number and she soon said: "hello Mohammed, this is Nadia. I want some one from your section to come and receive Hind our new employee, can you come please?
      Mohammed: "Didn't Yasmeen arrive yet?
      Nadia: "No, she called and said that she has an appointment in hospital and she will come later"
      Mohammed; "Ok, I will send someone now".
      Mohammed hung down the phone and he noticed his colleague and his best friend Faisal looking towards him and his eyes glittering: "what's up?"
      Mohammed: "Nadia called because she wants someone from our section to go and receive our new employee".
      Faisel said excitedly: "Did she arrive? That is cool I will go and receive it by myself" and he winked towards his friend.
      Mohammed: "hay, come on. It is the first day for her, so don't start to flirt and mess up with her".
      Faisel laughed: "Don't worry; I am not going to do anything. I just want to welcome her among us and show her the whole building and our section. Besides, it is honor for her to be received and welcomed by me"

      Mohammed said ironically: "Sure, it will be an honor for her. Go and quickly because she is waiting near the reception".

      She was sitting in one of the chairs that were in the area of the reception and to kill time, she decided to read one of the local news which was put in the table which was in the middle and in front of her and the chairs surrounded it. While she was reading she heard the bell of the elaborator and she knew that someone was getting out from her. She put down the newspaper to see the coming person who was going towards her and she was shocked and blushed from anger to see the same person of the parking coming towards her.
    • [B]
      Thanks Newway for your comments and I have to say that I didn't get your point
      what do u mean by crowded because i am still didn't start talking about the crowded events and other characters who are going to join the story.

      The story might be a little different from the first one and maybe it will be longer and that all depend on my imagination how it is going to write the whole story or i shall say it might be a novel but still not sure about it..

      Anyway, I am sorry for being late to reply here but i just want to tell everyone who is still interested to continue reading the story and you could find it here :)

      The End of Pride


      I am still waiting everyone's comments who is going to read each new part I post..

      My regards to all,
      Scream :)
      [/B]
    • الاديبة كتب:

      Hi Scream, I miss you so much . How are you my sister
      I am very happy to see your second story
      Please Scream when you are a great writer one day , do not forget me . hahahaha

      May Allah bless you

      See you soon [/



      [B]I also missed you so much my dear sister and I missed your lovely comments.
      I will post the new part today or tomorrow inshallah so please don't forget to comment over it and this story is written according to one of your comments to write about our society. :)
      So, You will find all the characters in this story are Omanies.
    • Read both chapters

      :)

      I liked the pace that the story is going, plus i think this time you have the sequence of things more settle


      i dont have any comments at the moment, but we're eagerly waiting for the Third chapter


      Keep it up... and always think outside-the-box ... you have a great imagination... so use it to the fullest



      :)
    • Mrs.Unfaithful كتب:

      Read both chapters

      :)

      I liked the pace that the story is going, plus i think this time you have the sequence of things more settle


      i dont have any comments at the moment, but we're eagerly waiting for the Third chapter


      Keep it up... and always think outside-the-box ... you have a great imagination... so use it to the fullest



      :)



      Thanks dear for your presence and I was really waiting you to show up and hear some of your comments. :)

      By the way, I haven't post chapter 2. #j . The two parts I post were for chapter one. I hope that I will have time and inspiration to complete chapter 2 because I feel that I am stuck. So, Please forgive me and be patient and always try to check the place where i am posting the story.

      My regards to all,
      Scream
    • Mrs.Unfaithful كتب:

      Screaaaammm


      Next time tell us when you posta new part of your story

      ~!@@ai


      :)


      Cant wait to read part two of chapter two




      At first, I apologize for not telling you about the new part I posted.
      Secondly, I would like to congratulate you for being a moderator in English section and you really deserve it and I am really surprised how can they get to you #j

      I feel at this stage that i am not able to continue the story and I have a feeling that this story as not interesting as the first one ~!@n because a friend sent me a message and told me that this story is totally different from the first one and he prefered the first.

      I feel that i am going too slow in the events and I want to think about a way to fasten the evenst in order to not let the readers feel bored from reading it, don't you think so? $$-e
    • At first, I apologize for not telling you about the new part I posted.

      Its ok, just next time please tell us :) :) :)

      Secondly, I would like to congratulate you for being a moderator in English section and you really deserve it and I am really surprised how can they get to you #j

      Thanks. but no need to congratulate me.. its not an acheivement.. someone had to it sooner or later
      #j

      I feel at this stage that i am not able to continue the story and I have a feeling that this story as not interesting as the first one ~!@n because a friend sent me a message and told me that this story is totally different from the first one and he prefered the first.

      I feel that i am going too slow in the events and I want to think about a way to fasten the evenst in order to not let the readers feel bored from reading it, don't you think so?


      Sure they are different, but that doesnt mean that one is worse than the other!!! what would the point of having similar stories??s
      I dont think that this one is less inetersting that the first one (so far at least), but it just have different flavor.. a more Omani sense in it... while the first one didnt.. so it maybe simply just a matter of the reader's taste if he thought one is more ineteresting than the other

      I agree about the events, especially after reading the second chapter, they are a bit slow. But please keep in mind... sometimes events of a story are slow.. but at the same time they serve the main purpose of the story.. in your case i didnt get that feeling.. i felt that the second chapter did not serve the story-line

      let me ask you,
      before you started writing this story, did you have an idea of how you wanted to start/end... with also some ideas of what to happen in between??s
      If you did, then just continue finishing this story... because it would definately, one way or another, would serve its purpose
      If you didnt, then pause!!!!! you have to have some kind of a thesis and structures outline of what you want to have in the story... then you'll have a more clear and stable pace in which you can continue writing the story.. and you'll also make sure not to loose connection between events and characters as the story goes

      :) Just my humble opinion as a fan of yours

      :) Hope to see your next part soooooooooon

    • Mrs.Unfaithful كتب:

      At first, I apologize for not telling you about the new part I posted.

      Its ok, just next time please tell us :) :) :)

      Secondly, I would like to congratulate you for being a moderator in English section and you really deserve it and I am really surprised how can they get to you #j

      Thanks. but no need to congratulate me.. its not an acheivement.. someone had to it sooner or later
      #j

      I feel at this stage that i am not able to continue the story and I have a feeling that this story as not interesting as the first one ~!@n because a friend sent me a message and told me that this story is totally different from the first one and he prefered the first.

      I feel that i am going too slow in the events and I want to think about a way to fasten the evenst in order to not let the readers feel bored from reading it, don't you think so?


      Sure they are different, but that doesnt mean that one is worse than the other!!! what would the point of having similar stories??s
      I dont think that this one is less inetersting that the first one (so far at least), but it just have different flavor.. a more Omani sense in it... while the first one didnt.. so it maybe simply just a matter of the reader's taste if he thought one is more ineteresting than the other

      I agree about the events, especially after reading the second chapter, they are a bit slow. But please keep in mind... sometimes events of a story are slow.. but at the same time they serve the main purpose of the story.. in your case i didnt get that feeling.. i felt that the second chapter did not serve the story-line

      let me ask you,
      before you started writing this story, did you have an idea of how you wanted to start/end... with also some ideas of what to happen in between??s
      If you did, then just continue finishing this story... because it would definately, one way or another, would serve its purpose
      If you didnt, then pause!!!!! you have to have some kind of a thesis and structures outline of what you want to have in the story... then you'll have a more clear and stable pace in which you can continue writing the story.. and you'll also make sure not to loose connection between events and characters as the story goes

      :) Just my humble opinion as a fan of yours

      :) Hope to see your next part soooooooooon



      Thank you dera so much for your comments. Regarding writing an outline and thesis for the story before start writing, I did but I always divert from it and start changing some of the events and characters as soon as I start writing. I hope that I will not mixed up the events $$t .
      I will try to do my best inshallah and the good news that I started writing the new part yesterday. I will try inshallah to finish by today or tomorrow. You are going to be surprised inshallah by some of the events you are going to read in this story |a , SO wait the new part

      My Regards to all of you,
      Scream
    • I am really glad you're back on track and are completing the story

      :) :) :) :)


      Chapter 3 was really inetersting, i felt that the style of this chapter was a bit different than the others. you were very good at making the reader feel the emotions of the characters...the deep sadness .... the true caring and also the love


      |a

      :) waiting for the next chapter
    • Mrs.Unfaithful كتب:

      I am really glad you're back on track and are completing the story

      :) :) :) :)


      Chapter 3 was really inetersting, i felt that the style of this chapter was a bit different than the others. you were very good at making the reader feel the emotions of the characters...the deep sadness .... the true caring and also the love


      |a

      :) waiting for the next chapter



      I am really gald that You liked this part although I was afarid that I am not going to satisfy you in writing this part because I should present for you a long chapter full of many events. Please, If you have any comments don't hesitate in posting them because I am ready to re-write the chapters and the events in order to present a good work.

      Ramadhan Kareem to all of you
      Scream