My first participation

    • My first participation

      Dear friends,
      I am glad so much to be with you .
      However, this is my first attempt. So read it carefully and give me your comments please. I want to improve my language so do not hesitate to write my mistakes and I will be very happy to see them in order to correct them and learn to be better      .


      One day, there was a little girl who was nearly seven years old. She was very shy and funny but that it is not all. In addition to that she could not distinguish what is wrong and what is right. However, she is a little and her behaviour depends on her old brother not on her own behaviour. Her old brother , thirteen years old , was angry from his friend so he did not know what he must do. Then,it was a crazy idea when he went to his little sister and asked her to do something for his sake. She was shy and embarrassed but when he promised to give her a lot of chocolate , she accepted without thinking. His crazy idea was difficult for just a little girl but she tried to do her. However, her brother told her that his friend is talking with their brother and it is her chance to make the idea now because their brother will be there so his friend could not make anything for her. She went there where her kind brother talked with his friend and her angry bother see the situation from a far place. She stood near the boy then suddenly gave him a STRONG SLAP and run away. Her kind brother and his friend was open-eyed how a little girl did a bad work like this and why she did that. While her angry brother was happy for her work, she was shy from her bad work and in the same time happy because her brother thank her. After that, her brother forget his angry after some days and forgave his friend. After many years, she is regretful now for her crazy work. She hoped if she did not listen to her brother but she was just a child could not distinguish between the good and bad thing.

      Last thing I want to tell you that the little girl was ME.


    • hi dear sis

      الأدبية

      we all knew that

      Kids are innocent , they don’t know what is wrong and what is right

      They are pure in the sense that their thoughts are not yet

      complicated by adult life.

      And what ever you have done it was not your mistake dear

      it was your Innocence

      take care

      and be happy

      yours sis

      Ranamoon

      ،،،

    • First of all, welcome

      :)


      I liked your little anecdote.... But, if you may, i have few comments:
      - There is so much use of pronouns that it gets confusing sometimes. for example:
      her brother told her that his friend is talking with their brother and it is her chance to make the idea now because their brother will be there so his friend could not make anything for her

      Try to either use less pronouns, or shorter sentences. Or better yet, add names to give the narration more life.


      - The anecdote has some vagueness in the identity of "the brother", are there TWO brothers or one brother? it may be unclear to some readers... because you the discriptions "angry" brother and "kind" brother arent Differentiating, because one person can be angy sometimes and kind at other times


      Hope to see more of your contributions,
      I like your anecdote and i think there is nothing more inspiring to write than one's own memories and life

      :)

    • Well done dear for taking the chance and starting writing a short story.
      It is a good beginning but as Mrs unfaithful said there is a confussion about the brothers. Try to give names for your characters so the readers can distinguish between them.

      Keep it up dear and hope to read something new for you.

      Your sister
      Scream