would u marry her

    • would u marry her

      [B]
      in fact when i was reading some subjects in other sites i found this question in Arabic which takes my attention coz this problem is familiar in our society but it is secret becoz of the reputation of the two families. i wish nobody will face this problem

      the question is :


      if your mother or someone in ur family begged you to marrry a lady who u know that she has good reputATION AND GOOD MORALS. she is very beautiful. you love her.
      . unfortunately this lady was rapped
      what would be you answer. would you help this lady and get

      married. or would you let the lady to commit suicide. think of her
      family how would be their future if you didn't help them. you would be the triggar to decide how would they live after you answer
      [/B]


      plz you honesty is needed

    • Dear Baron
      Thank you, and to start with I will take your word that she was raped, and second to take her word that she was raped

      I know how sensitive the situaion is, and to be honest plus, the answer is very difficult, and when it comes to me I would say Iam not sure and would rather leave it untill Iam in that bad and difficult situation so I can decide, no body knows then, may be I will agree, and before that like her and marry her

      And remember, some one some where will marry her but Iam sure whoever it could be would not give you a NO/YES answer

      Take care


      10derness

    • ,hello
      Baron, maybe you're posting this question for guys, but if i may, i will give my point of view

      first of all, you ask "will you marry her or will you let her commit suiside" , so here you are advocating a marriage based on sympathy
      even if a guy did marry her because he feels sorry for what happened to her, i guess this will make her feel worst
      no one likes to know that people feel sorry for them
      maybe after marriage she will still want to end her life
      But if the guy married her because she has good morals, and good reputaion, REGARDLESS of what happened to her, then of course she will fell better because she will be sure that there is someone who wanted her for what she really is.


      However, i believe that most guys will refuse to marry a female who was raped, no matter what good aspects she has. Because they will think its the woman's fault that she was raped
      or maybe they will think that she triggered such horrible act
      by dressing obsenely or giving the wrong message

      i know, this is really disgusting that there might be someone thinking this way, but unfortunately there is

      o salamatkom.

    • Baron
      Life will be miserable if one get married from a lady who have been rapped caze all the time he will think about who has done it and why. Also if he saw her talking to man (who is relative to her),the husband will start think & he will have suspicion . Even if she gives hem reasonable reason, because we human. So she has to keep it as a hush-hush and God will help her if she is a good lady. Those days if you tell someone the truth especially regarding things like this, he/she will not pay it
      To me honestly I’ll never marry her if she told me about it


    • First of all thanks for the replying and sorry for being late.

      I know this topic is little bit sensitive which makes many of the readers do not want to write anything. I wrote this topic in order to widen ur experience by reading others point of view.
      Tenderness thanx for ur honesty. Yes it is too difficult to answer this question. You said
      would rather leave it untill Iam in that bad and difficult situation so I can decide,


      insha allah you will not face this problem in ur live. Thax again for sharing ur point of view.

      Mrs.Unfaithful

      Thank you for ur replying which choose your kind person by ur participation. And u can share ur opinion anytime. I agree with u her life may become worse if the guy gets married her because of sympathy.
      But you said I believe nobody is going to get married from this pure lady who did not commit any fault. Her fault was that God has created her beautiful.
      If you read what Tenderness says you may change ur opiniton coz not all people are the same.

      Thanx again.

      YSK_lol
      Hi you said
      Life will be miserable if one get married from a lady who have been rapped caze all the time he will think about who has done it and why

      But this might be not true man. Coz who is going to get married from her will be ready for these situations before getting married. This man is not using his mind properly coz he should know that this fault is not her fault. This is man has been described before by MS unfaithful above.
      Why this man is going to marry her is it because he loves her or sympathizes with her.
      As Tenderness said “ the one who wants to do this should think a lot .
      You said
      To me honestly I’ll never marry her if she told me about it

      But this is not her fault man

      Really thanx for partcipating.

    • Re: would u marry her

      كاتب الرسالة الأصلية البارون
      [B]
      [B]
      in fact when i was reading some subjects in other sites i found this question in Arabic which takes my attention coz this problem is familiar in our society but it is secret becoz of the reputation of the two families. i wish nobody will face this problem

      the question is :


      if your mother or someone in ur family begged you to marrry a lady who u know that she has good reputATION AND GOOD MORALS. she is very beautiful. you love her.
      . unfortunately this lady was rapped
      what would be you answer. would you help this lady and get

      married. or would you let the lady to commit suicide. think of her
      family how would be their future if you didn't help them. you would be the triggar to decide how would they live after you answer
      [/B]


      plz you honesty is needed
      [/B]


      I suggest the following:
      No! Don’t marry her if you didn’t choose her from the beginning.
      If a person decided to marry a specific lady for reasons like love or admiration then he should go ahead because he will forget everything& sacrifice for his love!
      But if the girl was elected to him (by his mother or someone else) then he should forget the idea because he will keep thinking of her past & might feel regret for choosing her to be his wife.

    • Dear MSAQ
      I would like to welcome you on behalf of all your brothers and sisters at the English Section and ask you to be around whenever you can

      Dear brother, your short decisive reply tells a lot, and I know you all here are open-minded, and say we are not talking about virginity

      We, and I guess, did not specify or stress on whether the girl is a virgin or not. You probably know that not all rape incidents or rather crimes do not end up with the girl losing her virginity

      May be being, or living in the west is far different from living in the east, and as many say, East is East, and West is West, so it all depends sometimes on where you are

      I think I'm clear and do not like to say more but leaving it open for you all to add, and clarify

      Thank you dear MSAQ

      Brother
      10derness

    • its really so sensetive thing to discuse

      i'm in doubt that some body will be honest in this issue

      in my opinion

      this lady been rapped and been forced to do so but you know there are lots of girls who play hard and lost thier self with boyfriends and something like that and no body force them to do so and its so easy for those girls to get married even they are not virgin

      its so comlecated .. life is so crole

    • Thank you dear Honest and nice to see you around
      You are right, but I guess and as all said it is a complicated and sensitive topic to talk about

      But, we chose as the topic writer wanted it to to be, to talk about those raped. And to be honest or not I would say it again, all will be clear and vivid once in that position

      I wonder if we all to be honest and open minded and talk.....freely

      The topic and the discussion is widely open and would welcome any new dimension related

      Thank you dear Honest and please do not go away


      Brother
      10derness

    • Following up on what Honest said....
      i dont think its a matter of wether the girl who was rapped is virgin or not. Because as you said, there are alot of girls who engage in pre-marital relations and lose thier virginity and then get married with no problems.. (some .. not all !!)

      The issue with a girl who was raped - again, as you said - is definately more complicated than that.
      It creates a phobia from men in general and from sexual intimicy in specific. a guy who decides to marry a girl like that should be fully convinced that she is a victim and should be fully prepared to support her emotianally and handle her with patience. And as a middle-eastern man, he should totally remove the idea from his mind that she triggered such an act or that she have accepted it in anyway.

      I wonder if a guy like that exists.. but that what she will need.

    • Hi

      i agree with u sister Mrs.Unfaithful
      the man must be fully infirmed and convied about the situation

      she is a victum as you said

      we must treat her different way

      i hope this wil not be in our safe and secure comunnity inshallah

      over all we must teach our men or middle eastern men about this cases


      these kind of girls would give thier life the a man who really understand and feel thier problem

    • I would say

      Hi guys

      Thank for such a good topic and as u said Baron
      we should be honest when we discuss this complicated issue
      but it is a good idea to talk and give ur opinion


      My opinion is If I know that girl intimately and
      I love her and of course sure about her good morals
      I will marry her without hesitating!!!!

      Do u know why???

      Because I love her and I know it is not her fault
      She didn’t want and will not do such a horrible thing
      If u didn’t stand be side her who will do it
      Also if u didn’t so what do u mean by loving her
      for that long time what does love mean to u?????????

      I want u all to answer this question


      But if don’t know that girl how had been raped I will never marry her
      because who will grantee that she was forced
      that she didn’t want to do that.

    • well, according to what I know so far, almost 95% of women who have been raped suffer post traumatic stress disorder within the first two weeks, and 60 % of them will continue to have the PTSD even two years after the incident. So I do not think she will commit suicide if she will not marry, on the contrary, such women begin to hate men because they remind them of the rape.
      In addition, do you think that any woman in the world can even (think) to ask her son to marry a woman who is a rape victim?
      Another point, I saw some people refusing to do so( marry a raped woman)? I just want to know why? Is it because she lost what she is not supposed to loose? or because of another reason that I do not know?

      thank you


    • Hello people, don't know since when this topic is posted but I saw it in the list..

      From what I understood ALBARON mentioned that the girl is: beautiful, has good morals, good reputation, you love her BUT was unfortunately raped..

      I noticed that most of the girls said they wouldn't mind and most of the men at least indirectly said that they wouldnt marry her. Naturally, the girls would feel sorry for the girl, but the men wouldn't because they wouldn't accept such a girl no matter what.

      Let me turn this around a bit, and say that the man had a physical relationship with a girl and of course in this case he cannot be forced to do so and it will be fully with his own will. Do you think that WE girls would want to be with such person?? HELL NO

      In the girl's case there is no indication that she wanted that to happen to her not denying that many girls now go out with their socalled "BOYFRIENDS". At least it is clear here that it was not her fault because ALBARON described it as a crime, we are not talking about her putting herself in such situation. Probably as others said that she wasn't dressed decently, or had a boyfriend, and as the causes vary, our decisions should be based on these reasons.

      Sub7an Allah an eastern man can marry a western woman who already has had fun and would accept her just because they want to be with her, but they would NEVER want to be with an eastern girl, because her decree is she was born in such society where adultary is not accepted. But we are not talking about adultary here, it's a crime, it's rape!!!

      How funny it is that a man wants a pure woman who has done nothing bad in her life, when he enjoyed all the dirty things and it's OK. True that we cannot find out if a man had a physical relation, but trust me that it is very easy to know if they did it in other ways. 7abL eLketheb is too short!!

      I would personally NEVER accept a man who had a physical relation with anybody even if he was the last good man on earth, how does that sound?? Hurts, Ouch!! I see no difference between a man and a woman in this case and those who do not accept to marry the girl even if it was a crime she didn't cause to herself, they better make sure that they are virgin too.. Yeah virgin MEN

      Talking about love?? Talk about when a person yaster 3ala another person, just talk about the reward from God when you do that. People think about themselves and what is best for them, but they never think about anything but materialistic things. Are you marrying a person for what happened to her or marrying a person who is raising your kids, and making a family with you that you will be proud of?i

      ALBARON, the bad thing about our societies that they are not merciful at all, not even when you do a very simple mistake and they attack you so hard as if they want to stab you right in the heart to get rid of you and not cause them shame.. yeah they are ashamed of us, that if we do a mistake, imagine when we dont do anything? we are still rejected.. what a FAIR society

    • dear البارون
      lemme tel you and the guys her what i understood from the topic
      i think the question should be, would the fact that this gurls was raped prevent you strongly from marrying her although she has a good moral and good reputation.
      and as 10dress said, this is a difficult situation which needs a thorough thinking, but lets say that if this happens to me, i'll not reject her because she was raped, especially if i like her deeply think SHE WAS RAPED not did it deliberately. here comes the situation where we dont let the boy sinks just because he didnt tell me he was going swimming!!!!

    • RoMaNtIc_DrEaMz كتب:

      dear البارون
      lemme tel you and the guys her what i understood from the topic
      i think the question should be, would the fact that this gurls was raped prevent you strongly from marrying her although she has a good moral and good reputation.
      and as 10dress said, this is a difficult situation which needs a thorough thinking, but lets say that if this happens to me, i'll not reject her because she was raped, especially if i like her deeply think SHE WAS RAPED not did it deliberately. here comes the situation where we dont let the boy sinks just because he didnt tell me he was going swimming!!!!




      thanx for ur honesty

      but



      Will you do it brother?a
      Will you do it because of love of sympathy?a
      The society will not leave u alone? Rumors will surround you and effect you children later. Will you afford it?

    • Hi.... I kow it's been long since this subject was opened to discussion...

      But I feel luckey to have the chance to participate in it specially that I find it an excellent one to have among our age group and society...

      Albaron, you said raped!! .. and here I infere that she was the victim not the sinner!!!

      Allow me to take it form a different angle first and then come back to how you put it..

      If I loved a woman and reached that level to wanting to make a life with her, I would definately want to make it clear and square from the begining. I would make it with her that honesty and truthfulness should be the fundimental rock of our life together till the end.

      And so, if I truelly loved her, I will want to make her feel very free to be open with me on any part of her life.. it then I will know that she trusts me and do have the same I have for her. Thus, if she tells me that she was raped and I get to know that what she told me was true, Then I would love her even more... exactly as I wanted to love her more if she was not. and would let her know that it is she that I want to grnat a happy future with.. and that the suffer she's been through should be of no existance any more.

      Off course a guy who thinks seriously about his life and the life of the family he is gonna make later on would have the acqueintence of his companion on her morals.. and else... and won't think only emotionally.

      But if I was begged to merry a women just for the sack of sympathy... then my answer will be no... because I don't want to start a life from a sympathy, I don't want to play Mr. hero or the life saver, I don't want to regret myself, feeling that I was taken advantage of later on when my life turns out to be a misry

      But if I fell in love with her for all she is, then there shall be no reason for I to blame her or just reject her for a sin not of hers but of some kind of an animal

      Women are delicate creatures that need us to assure security for them.. not take advange of them... and if they were created beautiful, then who is to blame it on except their creator!!! can we do that?!...

      and if it happens for a fault they are responsible for, then we should also blame ourselves for not beeing there for them as real fathers, brothers, uncles, cozins, colleagues, friends... when we knew they needed us at least as good leaders and teachers.


      God's blessings

    • I have seen this article been discussed in Arabic forums a lot. Really, its very sensitive because it relates to the construction of a new life where the environment should be pure and healthy.

      The acceptance depends on the reason of that case…was she one of the reasons by any how..if yes ? sorry, I cant risk my life…even, if there are signs indicate the change of her morality and attitude to the positive side…If I could convince my mentality I will fail to convince my emotion…and I believe that man kind is combined of these two sides…if he loses one he is out of scale.

      On the other hand, if she was seized and wronged and furthermore her reputation was just like a pure drop ,so there is no doubt at all to marry her.

    • Salam to all here

      SYMPATHY!!!

      Isn'i it what triggers our actions and embed our attitudes to do what is right?!!

      We normally don't sympathaiz criminals but rather the victims which I assure is the first step to support them or at least think of how to support them and then aid them towards regaining their normal life...

      back to your case cinario A lBaron!
      Let aside my gender, where here am not expressing my sentiments... but my cognition inshallah.

      If one had sympathy for such a girl, adding that she holds all the characteristics you mentioned above, then what else would a human desiring to please his God would else want?!!!..

      It could be a test from the Almighty for the amount of faith one has on him and at the sametime a reward.

      Culture and society, if act blindly, pointlessly, and cruely.. should not even be named culture!!
      Why should she live the rest of her life embittered in the place she always thought she belonged to and for a mistake not of hers.

      am here speaking for the human with the charecters that are mentioned, where the crime, the victim and the cause fall for her.

      I know pretty well that the argument is directed to guys not to girls... yet it made me turn it
      to the fact" what if I get to be put in her situation, or my sister, or my daughter... where everyone is sure that I had not a single mistake to lead to what happened.... inshallah not"?? but what if...

      and If I were a guy, what if this is to my sister, or daughter....etc.???

      But if you ask me would you request your brother, or son to merry a girl as such?!!
      well YES.
      Coz that's what my consiousness tell me

      my reply here is not a reaction to the topic, but a sometime given thought to

      I wish to hear more

      see you later

    • Thank you all, I have noticed you are bringing the discussion back to this very interesting topic, I am not going to press the "MUTE" button but will press the "FAST FORWARD" one, if you allow me to
      <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
      To make it easy for all, I got married to that girl, the girl who was raped, both were happy on our wedding day, got all the gifts and presents, and above all, the good wishes by all around us
      We had a magnificent honey moon and we are back home again. I am back to my work, and she is the same

      What will happen next? Let us assume this question was asked and we are to answer, and spectulate

      Thanks all
      :)

    • student كتب:

      Mentality and emotion…I believe that mentality is mind process and mind deals with the truths, so it can be convinced about what is right and what is wrong while emotion is the psychological process which deals with feelings …emotion satisfactory is a condition to convince a person to change his mind


      Allow me dear student, I would like to hear another opinion
      I am sure you welcome that
      :)

    • student كتب:

      Mentality and emotion…I believe that mentality is mind process and mind deals with the truths, so it can be convinced about what is right and what is wrong while emotion is the psychological process which deals with feelings …emotion satisfactory is a condition to convince a person to change his mind


      Fact: Do you know that emotions come from the mind, student??!i

      I will be back some time tomorrow or after tomorrow

      Cheers

    • Tenderness كتب:

      Thank you all, I have noticed you are bringing the discussion back to this very interesting topic, I am not going to press the "MUTE" button but will press the "FAST FORWARD" one, if you allow me to
      <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
      To make it easy for all, I got married to that girl, the girl who was raped, both were happy on our wedding day, got all the gifts and presents, and above all, the good wishes by all around us
      We had a magnificent honey moon and we are back home again. I am back to my work, and she is the same

      What will happen next? Let us assume this question was asked and we are to answer, and spectulate

      Thanks all
      :)


      ME!!!

      I will try my best with her to run our life happily and healthily

      and throw what was as I promised her behind our backs.

      Is this what you want to know?!!!