!!!I Envy you, but wish you no harm

    • !!!I Envy you, but wish you no harm

      Now, I still couldn’t understand those people

      Someone I know once said: "Envy is the motivation to success"i
      She said "Being envious gives you the push to be better and to reach what others have reached".......i
      Yeh makes sense, and sure enough many people started their success journey with an envious attitude to all who are more successful than them
      As did the author of "Waiting to Exhale”, who admitted that her jealousy of the best-selling authors made her committed to write her successful novel ...a best selling one itself

      But an envious spirit does not give motivation to hard work only

      With an envious spirit, one might aim to destroy others so he could build himself on their ruins

      Or even worse, one might wish people misfortune, so he could just be satisfied

      Could this ever be a success or a satisfaction!!!???s


      Victor Hugo said: "Only the wicked hate and envy, it’s their way of admiring"i
      I'll have to agree.
      Or else, why would Envy be classified as one of the Seven Deadly Sins!!!i

      I read once, that envy will disappear from a human's heart when he is buried in his grave
      So we'll have to agree, in different degrees, that it is a human nature to envy
      We are not angels or saints after all

      But is it sensible to believe that envy is not a sin, and it’s perfectly healthy??s
      Could we envy someone with absolutely no feelings of aggravation or a tiny bit of hatred, whatsoever??s

    • Thank you Mrs.Unfaithful
      Thank you Vector Hugo
      Thank you eL3aJoOoZ_NaWaR
      Thank you Whoever

      Envy is a real thing, and mentioned in the Holy Quran
      As far as I know, and before that, we must distinguish between envy and jealous as they are mixed up and cause misunderstanding

      As far as I know, envy is when one wants to have what others do and wishes they lose what they have, meanwhile jealousy is when someone wants to have what others do and just to be like them

      If you get my point, then and as I beileve we do mis envy and jealous and tend to make envy looks like it was jealousy and vice versa

      No doubt jealousy is a positive act them pushes us forward and makes us work hard and do every thing possible to be successful
      Envy, as I definded it according to what I learn is a destroying act and is a big sin

      One again, hther envy is a sin or healthy thing depends whether envy is envy or just a jealousy


    • Im back.. now where were we

      Yeah some scholars said that envy is the first sin and others said it is takabur. which ever the first sin, it is still an aweful habit. Im not denying that we are not doing it but that's how bad the habit is. I do not agree that envy itself, not jealousy, is healthy. We can always be encouraged if we are ambitious enough to reach our goals. Envy is not the only way to success. I do not see it as a healthy habit because tires the heart and mind. Why torture ourselves with such thinking?

      Jealousy on the other hand is a natural feeling, however going beyond the limits in jealousy could result in the same damage of the envy. Those who think that they became successful because of envy, are wrong. It is the desire to win over someone that made them successful perhaps. Perhaps, God let them be successful to see what they are going to do.

      To envy means we have a feeling that there is something missing and we need to have like others do. It is a feeling of being unsatisfied with whatever we have. If a person thanks God for the things he/she has then there will be no need to envy anyone. However, the feeling of satisfaction can be related along with ambition and the desire to do more to reach to the peak of success.

      I agree to some extent that it gives power to the person somehow, for example when iblees envied Adam, he said that he will try his best to destroy the humans. Well, he is trying his best as we are all seeing and people do get tricked and follow him because he makes bad things look nice. But we can see here that it is accompined with destroying people and Tenderness is right in his definition.

      I think people should thank God and always remember that the success they have is all in God's hand. He is the One who is deciding whether we deserve that success or not.

      Cheers

    • Tenderness كتب:

      Thank you Mrs.Unfaithful
      Thank you Vector Hugo
      Thank you eL3aJoOoZ_NaWaR
      Thank you Whoever

      Envy is a real thing, and mentioned in the Holy Quran
      As far as I know, and before that, we must distinguish between envy and jealous as they are mixed up and cause misunderstanding

      As far as I know, envy is when one wants to have what others do and wishes they lose what they have, meanwhile jealousy is when someone wants to have what others do and just to be like them

      If you get my point, then and as I beileve we do mis envy and jealous and tend to make envy looks like it was jealousy and vice versa

      No doubt jealousy is a positive act them pushes us forward and makes us work hard and do every thing possible to be successful
      Envy, as I definded it according to what I learn is a destroying act and is a big sin

      One again, hther envy is a sin or healthy thing depends whether envy is envy or just a jealousy


      You have differntiated between envy and jealousy according to their translation in Arabic. Yes, they are different in that case. And , as you learned, and as we all learned, envy (=7asad) is an evil power. Muslims believe that it has the power to destroy. And its a big part of our culture to protect ourselves from the Evil Eye.
      But thats not what i meant

      Envy (as in 7asad) is of course never was and never will be good. Or else what would God associate it with Evil (min shar 7asid itha 7asad)
      #e Thats not our issue here

      I meant Envy as it is defines in english, which is an equivalent to jealousy (They are sysnonyms). Giiven we are in taking the words verbaitim, not in a religious or ethnic context.

      You seem to agree that jealousy is a healthy motive. But why look at what others have?? why not set your own goals and desires and be satisfied when you reach them instead of comparing yourself to others??s
      Eventually that would make you collapse, because there will ALWAYS be someone who is better and more successful than you and you'll live your life trying to be "the best" when in fact there is no such thing as the best, because its all relative

      Not only that, but dont you think that jealousy would make you despise others and be so self-centered ??? in that case you might be delighted at the others misfortune if it means your success

    • eL3aJoOoZ_NaWaR كتب:


      Im back.. now where were we

      Yeah some scholars said that envy is the first sin and others said it is takabur. which ever the first sin, it is still an aweful habit. Im not denying that we are not doing it but that's how bad the habit is. I do not agree that envy itself, not jealousy, is healthy. We can always be encouraged if we are ambitious enough to reach our goals. Envy is not the only way to success. I do not see it as a healthy habit because tires the heart and mind. Why torture ourselves with such thinking?

      Jealousy on the other hand is a natural feeling, however going beyond the limits in jealousy could result in the same damage of the envy. Those who think that they became successful because of envy, are wrong. It is the desire to win over someone that made them successful perhaps. Perhaps, God let them be successful to see what they are going to do.

      To envy means we have a feeling that there is something missing and we need to have like others do. It is a feeling of being unsatisfied with whatever we have. If a person thanks God for the things he/she has then there will be no need to envy anyone. However, the feeling of satisfaction can be related along with ambition and the desire to do more to reach to the peak of success.

      I agree to some extent that it gives power to the person somehow, for example when iblees envied Adam, he said that he will try his best to destroy the humans. Well, he is trying his best as we are all seeing and people do get tricked and follow him because he makes bad things look nice. But we can see here that it is accompined with destroying people and Tenderness is right in his definition.

      I think people should thank God and always remember that the success they have is all in God's hand. He is the One who is deciding whether we deserve that success or not.

      Cheers


      Yes
      A person could have an ambition and desire to reach success givin his own willingness and commitment to reach that goal, without being jealous of this and that
      But that motivation would die eventually, either gave up and no longer has the motive.. or because he has reached a satisfaction level and doesnt want to proceed

      Thats when this theory says that Jealousy give the fire in his heart to be better, when he sees that others have done better and have got things he doesnt have.. But it has to be with some sort of hatred!!! .. a feeling of anger or aggression as why he is not like them... maybe its good because it would make him motivated
      But the feelling of hatred or anger could blind him completely and all that he wants is to be better even if it meant destroying others



      #b Did you ever felt jealous of someone and it made you motivated to be better than them?

    • Mrs.Unfaithful كتب:



      Yes
      A person could have an ambition and desire to reach success givin his own willingness and commitment to reach that goal, without being jealous of this and that
      But that motivation would die eventually, either gave up and no longer has the motive.. or because he has reached a satisfaction level and doesnt want to proceed

      Thats when this theory says that Jealousy give the fire in his heart to be better, when he sees that others have done better and have got things he doesnt have.. But it has to be with some sort of hatred!!! .. a feeling of anger or aggression as why he is not like them... maybe its good because it would make him motivated
      But the feelling of hatred or anger could blind him completely and all that he wants is to be better even if it meant destroying others



      #b Did you ever felt jealous of someone and it made you motivated to be better than them?


      Sure Mrs Unfaithful. I have always been jealous of my elder sister because she is the eldest child and mom gave her a lot of attention. Im 3 years younger than her and I felt of being forgotten and never been taken care as mom did to my elder sister. I felt like Im being ignored and that's why I decided to not depend on anyone's encouragement. I had to create the encouragement within and motivate myself, I had to prove to mom that I can also do what my elder sister can do. I wanted to prove to her that when it comes to abilities, I do not need a compliment or someone to motivate or inspire me. I created my own world where I motivate myself and it does exist to this day and moment

      It is not the hatred that I had or anger, it is the feelings that I have been underestimated in many cases. The person I am now, very independant more than the boy. I reached to the level of being called that I can do what a man can't do. But you see, that didn't inspire me either because I no longer feel it. I no longer get motivated that much when others compliment or encourage me. It does help a little bit of course, but then I go back to myself and motivate myself in my own way to reach my goals

      will be back in couple of hours.. sorry

    • eL3aJoOoZ_NaWaR كتب:


      Sure Mrs Unfaithful. I have always been jealous of my elder sister because she is the eldest child and mom gave her a lot of attention. Im 3 years younger than her and I felt of being forgotten and never been taken care as mom did to my elder sister. I felt like Im being ignored and that's why I decided to not depend on anyone's encouragement. I had to create the encouragement within and motivate myself, I had to prove to mom that I can also do what my elder sister can do. I wanted to prove to her that when it comes to abilities, I do not need a compliment or someone to motivate or inspire me. I created my own world where I motivate myself and it does exist to this day and moment

      It is not the hatred that I had or anger, it is the feelings that I have been underestimated in many cases. The person I am now, very independant more than the boy. I reached to the level of being called that I can do what a man can't do. But you see, that didn't inspire me either because I no longer feel it. I no longer get motivated that much when others compliment or encourage me. It does help a little bit of course, but then I go back to myself and motivate myself in my own way to reach my goals

      will be back in couple of hours.. sorry



      Good for you, NaWar
      I dont think your jealousy was without resentment!!!!i
      Or else, what was the source of your energy ????s
      if you we're not angry or upset about your parents favoring your sister.. you wouldnt have cared at all.. and wouldnt bother being better than her
      You see, you had that jealousy burning inside you.. now, you could have used that resentment energy in you to "destroy" your sister... so then she will not be the favorate one any more
      But you redirected the energy in you ... and used it in an instructive manner... to work on yourself to be recognized and complimented .. not to be "forgotten" and "ignored" ..i

      IN other words, ... envy produces anger or resentment... and anger and resentment produce great power in the human's soul, but its a destructive one.. (you *rarely* see an angry person not having furious reactions whatsoever, even if thier anger was internal (passive))i


      my aunt just had a second baby, and her first daughter is 3 years old. Of course, the classic scenario of Jealousy. He elder daughter would ask her mother if she could kiss the baby.. and when she approaches himm she bites him on the cheek, and laughs as he cries
      Not to mention hitting him with toys or trying to chock him with candy
      (lol.. poor baby)i

      those are children of course, they behave at thier instinct, and the instict is having resentment and aggression as a result of envy

      i still am not convinced that envious attitude could ever be %100 free of ill feelings
      You may redirect the anger (or whatever ill feeling) into an instructive force, but it has to be there at the first place as a first result of jealousy

      :)

    • Mrs.Unfaithful كتب:



      Good for you, NaWar
      I dont think your jealousy was without resentment!!!!i
      Or else, what was the source of your energy ????s
      if you we're not angry or upset about your parents favoring your sister.. you wouldnt have cared at all.. and wouldnt bother being better than her
      You see, you had that jealousy burning inside you.. now, you could have used that resentment energy in you to "destroy" your sister... so then she will not be the favorate one any more
      But you redirected the energy in you ... and used it in an instructive manner... to work on yourself to be recognized and complimented .. not to be "forgotten" and "ignored" ..i

      IN other words, ... envy produces anger or resentment... and anger and resentment produce great power in the human's soul, but its a destructive one.. (you *rarely* see an angry person not having furious reactions whatsoever, even if thier anger was internal (passive))i


      my aunt just had a second baby, and her first daughter is 3 years old. Of course, the classic scenario of Jealousy. He elder daughter would ask her mother if she could kiss the baby.. and when she approaches himm she bites him on the cheek, and laughs as he cries
      Not to mention hitting him with toys or trying to chock him with candy
      (lol.. poor baby)i

      those are children of course, they behave at thier instinct, and the instict is having resentment and aggression as a result of envy

      i still am not convinced that envious attitude could ever be %100 free of ill feelings
      You may redirect the anger (or whatever ill feeling) into an instructive force, but it has to be there at the first place as a first result of jealousy

      :)


      To be very honest with you, I dont think i angry at mom or my elder sister.. it just didnt make any sense to me at that time that mom is treating me in a way and my elder sister in another way. it is when i grew up understood that people should be treated differently anyway. However, when I wanted to prove myself, i didnt imitate my elder sister neither be like her, because i liked my inner self. It helped me build confidence in myself.

      I think the point goes around confidence here. If a person believes in God, Rizq and twakul then that is more than enough to have that energy to push us to succeed. To me, I won't wait for anything to push me to success. We cant just sit and waiting for the money to rain on us right? we should put the effort

      Going back to envying others, I think it is so unhealthy, it does destroy relations between people and I do not consider it as a way to succeed. Allah ma ra7 ywafeg el7ased. But when talking about jealousy, I also think that there are degrees of jealousy, because there is a level of jealousy when it really reaches the extreme and begins to harm others. I would prefer the level that would make me think and realize if I should take it a step further in reaching my goals

      Perhaps, as you said this feelings would be accompined by ill feelings, but stressing on my opnion that it again not healthy and not the only way to success

      Cheers


    • By the way, about my elder sister.. I do love her and i never envied her.. but i was jealous that she was treated a bit differently than me and even my younger sister was treated differently. bu this jealousy ifeelings came along with confusion because mom used to tell us that she loves us all and we are not different and so i was hearing something and seeing something else and maybe that is because i didnt understand the concept very well

      but i really didnt have any feeling of destroying my sister because i really loved her and she is my sister and we are pretty close, our bond is really strong alhamdulillah

      Thats all i wanted to add

    • Come on ladies, give us a chance
      Iam smiling,smileys are not active

      Well, I read all you had on, and wouldlike to ask this, why a baby starts walking at 12 months or so? the answer is



      Didyou know or guess


















      She starts to walk in a move to imitate us who walk
      smile again
      What I want to say,can we relate imitation and jealousy? letus think about it and talk, just talk
      No body is taking part but at least Iam sure they are reading
      and
      that is fair enough

    • Tenderness كتب:

      Come on ladies, give us a chance
      Iam smiling,smileys are not active

      Well, I read all you had on, and wouldlike to ask this, why a baby starts walking at 12 months or so? the answer is



      Didyou know or guess


















      She starts to walk in a move to imitate us who walk
      smile again
      What I want to say,can we relate imitation and jealousy? letus think about it and talk, just talk
      No body is taking part but at least Iam sure they are reading
      and
      that is fair enough


      Hmmmm... are you saying that the challenge is pushing them to do better?? If thats what you meant then yeah I somehow agree

      and I think what you said is right too.. we can't just stick to one standard I assume

    • eL3aJoOoZ_NaWaR كتب:


      To be very honest with you, I dont think i angry at mom or my elder sister.. it just didnt make any sense to me at that time that mom is treating me in a way and my elder sister in another way. it is when i grew up understood that people should be treated differently anyway. However, when I wanted to prove myself, i didnt imitate my elder sister neither be like her, because i liked my inner self. It helped me build confidence in myself.

      I think the point goes around confidence here. If a person believes in God, Rizq and twakul then that is more than enough to have that energy to push us to succeed. To me, I won't wait for anything to push me to success. We cant just sit and waiting for the money to rain on us right? we should put the effort

      Going back to envying others, I think it is so unhealthy, it does destroy relations between people and I do not consider it as a way to succeed. Allah ma ra7 ywafeg el7ased. But when talking about jealousy, I also think that there are degrees of jealousy, because there is a level of jealousy when it really reaches the extreme and begins to harm others. I would prefer the level that would make me think and realize if I should take it a step further in reaching my goals

      Perhaps, as you said this feelings would be accompined by ill feelings, but stressing on my opnion that it again not healthy and not the only way to success

      Cheers

      Ok
      :)

      Just one thing, the unconscious mind behaves and reacts a little differently than our conscious mind. As Freud have put it that humans develop sexual sensations when they breast feed from their mother. For anyone to think of it as it is, that is a little disturbing thought. But Freud was exclusively referring to the unconscious mind.

      I totally agree with you and what you said makes sense. But even if you DID have some resentment towards your sister, (which maybe even YOU have never known you had it), it is OK. It doesn’t mean you hate her as it is, and it doesn’t mean you want to destroy her. Our reactions and feelings, especially towards family members, could have indirect influence in our personality and who we are. We most of the time don’t even realize it.
      The thing is having those feelings at a young age directly influence us, especially that we are then developing our personality

      Back to the subject
      Envy among adults
      You made a good point. Confidence and faith definately should make a person content enough not to look at what others have.
      Thats the fine like between admiration and envy. A soul that envies is a weak one
      A self-confident person may admire someone and that why he would want to be like them or have what they have.
      :) Real good Point NaWar!!!!i


      Thank god we do agree that its NOT healthy to plant jealousy in our souls and admit it and like it. It awful!! and i would never want to be around someone who admits they are envious!!!i

    • Tenderness كتب:

      Come on ladies, give us a chance
      Iam smiling,smileys are not active

      Well, I read all you had on, and wouldlike to ask this, why a baby starts walking at 12 months or so? the answer is

      Didyou know or guess

      She starts to walk in a move to imitate us who walk
      smile again
      What I want to say,can we relate imitation and jealousy? letus think about it and talk, just talk
      No body is taking part but at least Iam sure they are reading
      and
      that is fair enough



      You think so??s
      I thought its an instinct in humans
      How did Maugly in the Jungle Book learn to walk then?? lool

      LOL
      i remembered my little niece, she is around 3 years old, her father once found her on her fours, licking milk from the cat's plate
      the weird part is she would not drink milk any other way

      Maybe she'll grow to be a catwoman :confused:


      but seriously, i think we could relate imitation with jealousy. I'm talking about adults of course. But it would not be an instructive jealousy, nor a destructive one
      It very narrow minded and doesnt lead to success at ALL

      Unless you mean imitation as in clothes and looks, i guess i'll have to shut up on that... hehe
      or else why would Super models exist ... (i do envy them.. %$#@) i

      #e

      |e

    • Unless you mean imitation as in clothes and looks, i guess i'll have to shut up on that... hehe
      or else why would Super models exist ... (i do envy them


      NO, NO, NO, Envy is a sin, and I in no way envy super models

      I only like them
      #i #i #i

      I do not think I will be fired, but suspended for 3 days
      #i #e $$-e :P ~!@@ad


      No, it is not instinct at all, just like your catwoman, I mean your niece :P , walking on four and licking milk is imitation of the character she did see
      And when I said imitation I meant every thing, we learn how to eat, drink, walk, by imitation just like the young catwoman

      Let me ask one more question, why large number of people follow their, say, father steps, a boy whose father is a doctor wants to be a doctor, and so on, why we find many doctors in one big family, and I mean by big here is uncles and cousins ....etc
      Do you think it is imitation in the first question and jealousy in the second

      What ever you do, do not envy, be jealous or imitate me being a moderator, no way you can make it
      #i #i #i :P :P $$-e $$-e ~!@@ad ~!@@ad

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